


Perfect Costumes

by riot3672



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Babysitting, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Implied/Referenced Incest, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 08:21:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5121476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riot3672/pseuds/riot3672
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Pietro wanted for Halloween was for him and Wanda to wear their awesome Melisandre and Stannis costumes and have desk sex at the end of the night, but when Clint begs them to take his kids trick or treating instead, plans change. Or, get detoured, if Pietro has anything to do with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfect Costumes

Pietro didn’t know why, but he’d always imagined American Halloween, in practice, to look at little more not-creepy-today-furries and alcohol than watching Clint’s kids, but when had he ever predicted shit right? 

“No,” Pietro said the moment Clint asked him and Wanda to watch his kids Halloween morning. “Go deal with your regret yourself.”

“Pietro,” Wanda chastised, “you don’t even know why he’s asking us to watch his kids.”

“What reason could he want it besides him running from his three foot responsibilities?”

“Maybe he has to go take care of relatives or something.”

“Guys!” Clint interjected. “I told Laura that we’d go to her coworkers’ party and you two are my last resort.”

Pietro glanced at Wanda. “Can we speed up this begging? Wanda and I are getting our hair dyed in ten minutes.”

“Please, you guys. Laura has been looking forward to this for weeks. She even made us matching costumes. I already asked Cooper and Lila and they said they'd love to go with you guys.” Ego petting was not about to start working. “What are you two even going to be doing tonight?”

“We’re dressing up as the best Melisandre and Stannis you’ll ever see,” Pietro answered.

Clint paused. “Are you two aware that you have to go somewhere for any Halloween costume to count for anything?”

Pietro would’ve had a comeback ready in a second, but it suddenly occurred to him that he and Wanda hadn’t gone so far as to decide where they’d actually go. Their costumes would be wasted in a club, and it wasn’t like the Avengers facility attracted trick or treaters. 

“Besides, if you two want an authentic American Halloween, trick or treating is the best way to go,” Clint said.

There was a long pause.

“Are we allowed to trick or treat too?” Wanda asked.

“You can collect a bag for Nathaniel and call it yours.”

Pietro exchanged one last glance with Wanda. He might’ve been thinking, _please say no_ , but apparently Wanda was ignoring him.

“We’re getting paid for this,” Wanda said.

“Yeah, of course.”

#

For every hour of their lives Pietro and his sister had put into making sure their costumes were amazing—legit replica clothing, actually dying their hair red and fully brown, basic perfection—Pietro was forced to stare down at the small humans in their cutesy costumes he’d have to usher around. Cooper was in some orange dragon costume, Lila in a fairy costume, and the poor baby stuffed into one of those pills with overalls costumes, then stuffed into a baby carrier that Wanda would volunteer to hold but that he’d end up holding because he cared too much about her pain to have it any other way. No amount of badass costumes could fix it.

Clint gave them a general residential area to trick or treat at, and like baby birds thrown out of the nest two weeks too early, they inevitably flailed as they went down.

“Do people not celebrate Halloween?” Pietro asked as they passed a dark house.

“When they’re dark they don’t have candy,” Cooper answered.

They passed a house that had lights, Cooper not even slowing down.

“But no one’s going to that house and it has some lights.”

“That’s not decorated enough. It has to be decorated enough.”

Pietro adjusted his arm around Wanda. As expected, she had Nathaniel strapped to her, the child miraculously quiet.

“How do you know what’s enough?” Pietro asked.

“You just know.”

Pietro rolled his eyes.

“Wanda, what are you and Pietro?” Lila asked his sister.

“We’re characters from a tv show,” Wanda replied. “I’m a sorceress and Pietro’s a lord who’s trying to become king.”

“But you’re already a sorceress so it’s not really a costume,” Cooper said.

“Wanda’s not a sorceress,” Pietro replied, maybe a bit too irritated. “She’s enhanced. It’s not like she says spells to get her powers to work.”

“Jeez, someone’s on his period.”

Wanda giggled, and he wasn't sure whether to respond or not.

“Aren’t you like seven? Who even taught you about periods?” was his reply.

“I’m ten. How old are you?”

“Twenty-three.”

For some reason, that garnered a long bout of silence.

“Pietro, that was a rhetorical question,” Wanda finally said.

Pietro looked around. “Are any of these houses good enough for you, Lizard Boy?”

“I’m Charmander!”

_What’s a Charmander?_ he thought to his sister.

Wanda ruffled Cooper’s hair. “Stannis is a grumpy character on the show. Pietro’s just getting into his costume.”

Finally, they started walking up to the houses and getting candy. Just as Clint said, Wanda just had to hold out the bag designated for Nathaniel and the people would drop candy in there, as if a less than six month old baby could actually eat the stuff. 

There wasn’t anything better to do, so Pietro found himself popping in candy as they walked. He took care to leave some for Wanda, especially the candy she really liked, but it was going fast. Definitely not at the rate they were getting it; stingy bastards were only giving them one or two pieces each.

“If you get too sick to give me a shadow baby, I’ll literally conjure a shadow baby and kill you with it,” Wanda said before she took the Reese’s cup he’d been unwrapping and ate it.

“Do you revive me at the end and fuck me raw?” he replied.

She shot him a dirty look. Children. Right.

And worse, any adults that stopped them to comment on their costumes said something along the lines of, “Jesus, that’s an amazing Red Witch costume. Who’re you?”

“Why didn't you make all the kids dress up as _Game of Thrones_ characters? Bran, Shireen, make the baby a White Walker or something,” some 40-year-old virgin looking guy said as he slipped them their one piece of candy.

Pietro exhaled. “We weren’t given that kind of power.”

Or shit like, “Good thing you guys are so young, toting around so many kids,” along with that light-lipped smile of the judgmental.

“Oh, these aren’t our kids,” Pietro said.

“Dad, hurry up!” Cooper said.

The looks of judgement could maim, Pietro’s look of exasperation could kill.

At least Wanda didn’t verbally reprimand him for thinking the words _try me again little shit_ over and over again in his head _._

Sometime deep into the night, by the time Pietro had taken Nathaniel, Lila was complaining about her feet hurting, and Cooper literally pulling Pietro by Nathaniel’s baby carrier to go faster so they could get more candy, the group happened upon some kind of haunted house. 

Lila clutched onto Wanda tight. “Wanda, I’m scared.”

“It’s okay, sweetie. We won’t go in,” Wanda said.

“Can you hold me so I don’t have to look?”

“Sure.”

Lila climbed into Wanda’s arms, and they started their walk parallel to the house’s yard. Pietro had taken Wanda to a couple haunted mazes over the years, but somehow, it never occurred to him that those psychos who ran around the park would be a thing around here.

It was his fault, in a way. Nathaniel was getting heavy in his carrier, vaguely smelled, and Cooper was running to far ahead. He didn’t realize there was some asshole teenager with a chainsaw until there was an asshole teenager with a chainsaw running at Wanda and Lila.

Wanda wasn’t easy to scare-scare, but she startled as any functioning human being would. Lila, on the other hand, screamed, and started to sob.

Pietro went from zero to murder in about two seconds, but Wanda had the tact.

“Nice job, asshole,” Wanda spat as she attempted to comfort Lila.

Pietro could see the kid leer from under his makeup. “They make me carry around the chainsaw. I just wanted another look at those tits. Melisandre, right?”

That little fucker better be thanking God that Pietro was wearing a baby and couldn’t run over and break his neck.

He watched as Wanda smiled. “Wanna see my best spell?”

Wanda leaned in, took one of his curls in her finger, and sent a hex straight to the brain.

She walked away with the kid in the same catatonic position he started in the moment the hex passed through.

“Think I could’ve used not being so literal on that one,” Wanda said as she joined Pietro and let Lila get back on her feet.

“No, you did good,” Pietro replied.

Should he…?

Ah, screw it.

He stole the little fucker’s bag of candy.

 

#

Pietro loved the sound of thuds on wood. Classical conditioning. Wood + wood = wood.

Wanda let out a strangled moan as he thrusted. She couldn't keep her hands still, jumping from position to position up and down his back. The scene went a little different--chess pieces rather than candy wrappers dropping to the floor with each motion--but all he could think about was his gorgeous red witch. God, he even loved the red hair on her, as if that'd ever turn him on more than that furrowed brow and bated breath already did. 

"My king," she muttered.

_Call me king. Fuck, call me king._

"Goddess," he breathed right back.

Unlacing that corset was all he needed. Somehow, fucking her in the leather and satin made it better. God, no wonder people loved Halloween sex so much.

She grabbed him, a hand wrestling into his hair and pushing his face into hers.

"My king. My king, my king, my king, God, finish me. I'm so close," she said as they rocked.

"I've never been more turned on watching you fuck that asshole's mind," he hissed.

She moaned, sliding into the words, "He deserved it."

She shuddered under him, both of them white knuckled and breathing hard as he filled her.

He pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "I like the red a lot."

She smiled. "I like you all brunet too."

"Too bad it'll wash out in a week."

He rolled over to a bit of table next to her. Relaxed.

"Hey Maximoffs, where is everyone?" Pietro heard Clint call from the other room.

"Lila's sorting her candy, Cooper's nursing off a sugar overdose, and Nathaniel's asleep," Pietro replied.

Clint suddenly burst into the room. "Lila's still up?"

"Yeah, chill man. Your kids are all alive."

Clint set some money on the table. "Thanks." There was about a four second delay. "WHAT'RE YOU DOING TO MY DINING ROOM TABLE?"


End file.
